Okay, so this is a thing I have explained before, and I now need to explain again, and I am doing it publicly because I feel that maybe I have not explained it clearly enough here on Tumblr. This is not meant to single any one person out. But:
I have clinical OCD. One of the ways it manifests is that people cannot give me permission not to answer things. The only one who can declare comment amnesty is me. Otherwise, the unanswered asks and comments will literally gnaw at me. They will haunt me. They will render me physically unable to sleep at night. I will start having panic attacks because of the unanswered email and messages with “please don’t answer this” worked into the text, because everything I am says “answer it,” and everything I am says “don’t break the rules, don’t go against what people ask.”
Do you see the problem?
When I said “please do not message me about the death of my cat,” I meant “please do not message me about the death of my cat,” not “please do not message me unless you also give me permission not to answer.” I still have to answer. I cannot help it.
I am so, so grateful that other people are sorry for my loss. It doesn’t make the pain stop, but pain shared is pain lessened. At the same time, having people go directly and explicitly counter to what I have asked makes things worse, because now I am heartbroken and dehydrated and not being listened to.
I am not trying to be harsh, even though I understand that I may sound that way. But please, do not message me about Lilly’s death. Please, do not give me permission not to answer you. Only I can give myself that permission.
Please, be gentle with me right now.
So hey, using this ask and response as an example (not to single out either of the primary participants), this is just a general reminder:
When someone asks you to not do a thing, and you do the thing anyway, you are being disrespectful.
When someone asks you to not do a thing, and you do the thing anyway, even with the best intentions, you are being disrespectful.
When someone says “Please don’t message me about this topic” and you message them about that topic in spite of their request, you are being disrespectful.
Your desire to do the thing does not trump their desire to not have the thing done unto them, regardless of who or how or why the thing is being done.
This goes for talking to people who have clearly stated their desire to be left alone; reblogging posts which have “do not reblog” in the body or the tags, demanding that random bloggers who belong to marginalized groups educate your non-marginalized-along-that-axis ass about their marginalization after they’ve posted about how they want people not to do this, harassing people online or off, and a host of other topics. If someone has clearly stated their preference for the level of interaction they prefer and/or are capable of dealing with and you ignore that preference, you are being disrespectful and you need to stop.
Iron Man 3: Maya Hansen dies, really
Thor 2: Frigga dies, really
The Amazing Spider-Man 2: Gwen Stacy dies, really
98% of the females in X-Men: Days of Future Past: Dead, really
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Victoria Hand dies, really
M.I.A. on set of Bring the Noize video clip by Liz Johnson-Artur, 2013
Transfixing 3D Paper Patterns by Maud Vantours
“I think that [Mulder and Scully’s] relationship is defined not by what’s being said, but by what’s being withheld. But it’s absolutely plain that they love each other — in their own way. It’s the best kind of love. It’s unconditional. It’s not based on a physical attraction, but on a shared passion for life and for their quest. These are romantic heroes, romantic heroes in the literary tradition."
Dear White People Official Trailer 1 (2014) - Comedy HD
all I see is black people talking about this. white people. go see this movie. you need to see this movie.
YESSss it’s finally happening! So smart, so hilarious, and so rare to see a concept trailer make the jump from dream to reality- October 17th can’t get here fast enough. :D
The Violent Xenophobic Racism in Ireland
At 9pm last Tuesday, 44-year-old Chinese doctor, Wu Youzhong, went to investigate the sound of breaking glass outside his home in Coleraine, County Londonderry, in Ireland. When he arrived at his front door, he saw that the window had been smashed. An intruder then attacked him so violently that he had to be admitted to hospital for several days, and required consultation from an eye specialist. Dr Wu’s wife, Luo Ruoyin, said, “I heard he was just screaming in pain and I was scared. He was just holding his head and covering his eyes and blood was just running down everywhere.” The police are treating the attack as racially motivated; the couple, who have a two-year-old daughter, are reported to be intending to move away from the area.
The Chinese community in Ireland has long been a target of racial discrimination. Anna Lo, an Alliance Party politician born in Hong Kong who was elected to the Ireland Assembly in 2007, was the first politician from an ethnic minority at national level in Ireland, as well as the first East Asian to be elected anywhere in Britain. Her campaign was dogged by violent racism – including death threats – to the extent that she had to carry a panic alarm as a precaution. One far-Right website published pornographic images of Chinese women, alongside derogatory references to Anna Lo. “People from ethnic minorities are very frightened,” she said. “I have never seen ethnic minorities so fearful in Ireland.”
the crumbling myth of white supremacy. white supremacy is violent. white supremacy is destructive. white supremacy is pervasive. white supremacy kills.
So I was reading The Letter Q: Queer Writers’ Notes to Their Younger Selves and I came across an essay by Bruce Coville where he says:
"I mean, seriously, you already know you don’t quite fit in. You’re just not aware, yet, how fully that is true. So, let’s get it on the table: You’re bisexual. Not straight. Not gay. Bisexual.
The essay goes on to talk about biphobia, passing as straight, the pressure to ‘pick a side’, and “when it comes to love you will never discriminate on the basis of gender!”
This is so exciting to me because I LOVED Bruce Coville books as a kid. I don’t know if anyone else in the early 90’s got My Teacher Is An Alien from the scholastic booksale at school but I probably read that book 20 times. I loved that the aliens were not really the bad guys in the end; they wanted to help humanity and save it from the real bad guys. It was a twist that as a 9 year old I didn’t see coming and I delighted reading it over and over again. He made the aliens, well, less alien and even as an adult, his books made me love middle grade novels that encourage empathy and understanding in their readers.
It’s nicely strange how knowing that one of the authors whose work I liked so much when I was younger (she said, as if she didn’t have the My Teacher Is An Alien series, three Magic Shop books, and Aliens Ate My Homework on her shelf still) shared/shares this point of commonality retroactively makes me feel less isolated.
Wow, I didn’t know this at all despite being a huge fan of his and knowing he edited Am I Blue?. This is really cool!